In The Mag

8 Steps to Recover From Breakup.

Often times, break up can be tough but you can get through it. When you get into a relationship with someone, technically you become one whether you’ve been together for 10 years, 5 months, or 5 weeks. You unconsciously join yourself to that person. When you both are together, you are like two sheets of paper glued together: the moment you try separating the sheets, it gets torn and comes out not the same as it was before it was glued. 

In most cases in a relationship the lady could be more torn because ladies are seen as naturally more emotional, as they give their heart and all when they are engrossed in a relationship. Just as illustrated with the sheets of papers, the two sheets of papers never remain the same, each person has a piece of the other in them. And this is what happens when you go through 

a breakup and the reason why it hurts so much is because they are trying to separate two glued papers joined together emotionally, sexually, spiritually. One problem with dating, sex, relationship, or one night fling 

is the moment you keep joining and then you break up, you’re left with a scattered heart and a part of that person. In a relationship you give the other person the key to your emotions, they can lock and unlock it. That’s why when they do something you are triggered and getting through a breakup could be difficult because it’s a process. Do not go back into the relationship because the other person keeps calling constantly. This doesn’t necessarily mean he wants you back, he/she is only doing this because of the care and affection that has been nurtured for you over time. It is of great essence that you go though the healing process instead of going back into the relationship. 

Below are steps to take to recover from a breakup:

1. TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND LET IT OUT:

It’s probably best not to suppress or hold back one’s emotions, especially immediately after a breakup. You are need to. Most relationships have been built with lots of plans. What happens when the dream of getting married, having children together in future is crushed. The bible says, hope deferred makes the heart sick. Literally, you are mourning, not just the present, but also the future you should have had with such a person. Do not feel terrible and decide to go back, because you likely might be rejected (depending on the reason for the breakup) you ain’t his mum, so let him also mourn you in peace. Listen to music. In the short term, it might reinforce or flare up painful memories, but it also normalizes the grief you are feeling so that you know you’re not alone. 

2. TAKE EXTREME MEASURES: Love can be tricky at times. Some days you feel like you love them and other days you hate them. Take extreme measure like blocking him for that period , guard your heart. Once you make that decision, you can do it and if you don’t want to block the other person, create boundaries! Be specific and firm with instructions like ‘stop calling me’, ‘am trying to move on’, 

‘leave me alone’, ‘I don’t want to see you’ to the other person. At times some people seem wicked, as after break up they still want you around them because they are selfish and think solely about themselves. One of the worst outcomes of a breakup is an ‘on-again, off-again,’ – irregular emotional pattern. Hence the need for you to make that decision of standing firm and setting boundaries. Most times the less you see of someone, the less feelings you’ve got for that person. Leave the person’s instagram page, stop trolling him as you aint strong enough for that: so do the necessary – unfollow him! Time they say is a healer, at times he/she might have not cheated or broken your heart, probably you both ain’t meant for one another. Creating boundaries isn’t because you hate him but because you need to heal up.

3. TREAT YOURSELF RIGHT: Build yourself, do not let anyone break you or say you aint good enough. be nice to yourself, he/she must have seen a potential in you to have asked you out in the first place. Don’t allow the break up to make you feel less of yourself. You are beautiful/handsome, lovable, adorable, priceless and victorious. Take time for yourself, love yourself. Most of the time you give the person yourself to take care of your needs and so now that he is gone, take care of yourself and do it with great delight. Now is a fine time to do self-care rituals that you may previously considered unneccessary. Shop for clothes, accessories, or makeup. Get a new haircut. Go to the cinema alone, anything that boosts your sense of yourself as someone worthy of comfort and pride. Some times, we expect too much from other people, we expect much love, attention because we deny ourselves the needed attention and care. When you start giving all you need to yourself, you won’t expect so much from others because you are in charge. It starts and ends with love, love yourself, control what happens to you! Life is 5% of what happens to you and 95% on how you react to it. Affirm to yourself: this will surely pass. 

4. TALK TO SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE: Family and friends can help, but make sure you recognize their limits as well. You may decide that professional help from therapists may be more appropriate or useful, and may provide a more neutral and long-lasting perspective. They can also point out deeper patterns of behavior or thinking that a broken relationship may be symptomatic of so that future relationships are healthier and happier. 

5. GO ON VACATION:

Even short vacations like weekend getaways can have a positive effect on your state of mind and help with post-breakup depression. Planning a vacation can boost your mood even before you leave. Because it gives you something to look forward to, you’ll be excited about and focused on your trip instead of your breakup.

6. MEET NEW PEOPLE:

Meet new people, have fun, but don’t jump to another relationship till you heal. While rebounding can be risky, it is OK when one feels ready on average. It takes people three to six months or a year to test the dating waters. The key is to take it slow and steady. 

7. RELATIONSHIP AUTOPSY:

A relationship is a thorough examination to determine the cause of the relationship failure. The autopsy is performed. Take a postmortem on yourself as you look at you in that relationship. At times the problem might have not been from your partner, an autopsy makes you aware of the root of the problem.

8. SEEK PROFESSIONAL COUNSEL:

If at any time, you feel so overwhelmed that you turn excessively to alcohol or you cannot function in your daily life, or you fall into depression or anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek help. And above all involve your creator, pray!

Breakups are almost universal, but still devastating events in our life experience, and they deserve careful attention. The good news is that in most cases, after the devastating rain, the clouds clear out. In the end, breakups can lead to positive growth and maturity, deeper self-knowledge, and better days ahead.

Lbelle Paris

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4 Comments

  1. Thank you Abigail.
    I ll share with my friends

  2. Good Content… Kindly serve us more.

  3. Amazing content! This is what we signed up for. Kudos

  4. Beautiful piece ❤

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